And another thing……
Life is about the good, the bad, and the WHA?!?!?! these days.
One for the “WHA!?!?!?” file, Wise Guy came home from preschool today with a sad face on his hand. That’s right. A *fucking* sad face. Nothing was said to me at school about his behavior, him being sad etc. No note, nothing at pick up. Didn’t notice it until after we got home. I had no idea why it was there. Turns out, after writing the director, I(who was NOT HAPPY this happened) I found out the teacher put it on several students hands when they did not listen this morning. Apparently, it was short-lived (him not listening) and he was fine for the rest of the day.
He is three. I get it. He isn’t going to listen all the time. It is our job to fix that.
I also understand frustration. I have it as a parent. And I admit it. I yell when I get frustrated. (I actually was doing it alot last week.) The thing is this negative reinforcement DOES NOT work. The kids yell and cry back. They get frustrated, I get more frustrated. Things escalate. I have been consciously trying to come up with better things that work better, keep things calmer. Praising the good behavior, modeling, making sure they concentrate on me when I give them instructions rather than barking orders from a half a room away over music…. etc. Also, I am all for creative “punishments” that fit the crime. Not negative reinforcements, but things that make them understand what they did wrong and how to improve.
But this just PISSES me off. Again. He is three. He is not going to listen all the time. That is his job, and we have ours to keep him (and his sister) on the right path. To consciously put an unhappy face on the hand of a child goes beyond a little frustration where you raise your voice. Sure, it tells the kids that what they did was wrong, but it also is a constant reminder during the day of what they did wrong, not what they did RIGHT. The fact that she did this and did it consciously to a THREE YEAR OLD is crazy. I am not going to condone misbehaving or making excuses for my kid. I know that he isn’t going to listen sometimes, but I know that it still needs to be addressed, so next time he may listen. I am not going to be the one that says “not my kid” or suggest that kids should not know that their shit doesn’t stink sometimes, but I do want it handled in an age appropriate, firm but reasonable way. I want it handled in a way that reminds them that they also do good, not the constant reminder of the bad. Furthermore, I WANT to know about it so that I can work on it at home as well. Especially since this is the first time I have ever known that he has had any problem at school (even with me asking). And you think that she would think twice about doing this since he is still nervous to leave daddy in the morning…. but no.
This is just bullshit.
I am happy that the assistant director contacted me and let me know what happened and that she was upset that the teacher did that. She assured me that negative reinforcement is not their policy and it will not happen again. But it makes me think twice about what I am doing there. He is learning, sure. But he can learn elsewhere too, perhaps in a firm, but more supportive environment. He also still fights Ben at drop off and they don’t seem to facilitate the process. And it isn’t exactly giving me time at home where I am kid free for part of the day. He goes mornings twice a week, Sweetie goes to Kindergarten afternoons.
So, why?
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I am in the middle of starting my own photo business and have a few clients (can I get a “Hell yeah!” and a “WOOT!” and “WHA?!?!?!?”). But, I still lack the confidence. See, I am a freaking puzzle. I have tons of confidence in what I know and rock in my element teaching and educating. Put me into business and needing to schmooze, and , yeah, not really confident in that. I guess because in some way it seems (to me) less than genuine. And business? Well, I don’t really understand it. Let me correct that, I understand the concept well. It is the selling myself that I can’t get. I never really had to sell myself (BEN! I don’t want any snickering……..). I have always had to sell what I KNOW. There is a subtle difference, but it is there. I lack confidence in the consistency of my ability and don’t know how to be firm in what I ask for since I am just starting out. It is the same thing with writing for a living. I lack confidence in my ability, and therefore am slow in the follow through.
It is doing nothing but hurting my cred.
So is that last sentence. Got to get past the fear and jump in, yo.
Oy.
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We went to the Please Touch Museum this week again, thanks to Grammy who bought us a membership for an early Christmas present. I LOVE that place. The kids love it MORE. Seriously. How could not not love this?
Down the Rabbit Hole
Milking the Cow
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I lost the Wise Guy in the Kohl’s for 8 minutes yesterday. He was being very good staying close for about 15 minutes. Then, I said, kneeling in front of a merchandise table, “Alright, I think Mommy is done.” And he said, excited he could actually move now, “Mommy, follow me!”
Well, my decrepit knees said, “WHOA! You can get up from kneeling that fast. Not without falling over and taking a clothing rack with you.”
Yeah. I rock.
By that time I got my butt up off the floor, Wise Guy was gone. GONE. After about four minutes, I called for a code. Everyone came out of the back, and WALKED RIGHT PAST HIM. That is right. They walked right past where he was kneeling, playing. Kohl’s employees FTW! Hint….. look down when looking for children. I guess I can’t point fingers. I was the one who lost him. Mother of the Year. Sad thing, most likely won’t be the last. Especially when he is a teenager and trying to lose me on purpose. Or will I be the one trying to lose him?
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Another for the “WHA?!?!?!” file. My husband is getting emails from the future. You heard me right. He is getting emails from clients saying their ads (he works building a platform for internet ads) do not work in IE 9.
Wow. I could use a seer.
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Finally, one from the GOOD file! I need to thank my mother . She bought me this AMAZING soft, warm king sized blanket that I LOVE. LOVE. (thanks mom). So now, instead of being a recluse blogger/writer that just says “screw it” and stays in pajamas all day, I now shuffle around wrapped in this glorious blanket. Yes, I have become that person.
Someone come save me from myself. But, back the hell off, I am bringing my blankie.
The sad hand would piss me off, too. First of all, don’t write on the kids! And secondly for the same reasons you have. There should be consequences appropriate to their age, not an all-day reminder of how “sad” they made the teacher.
Good luck with your new business venture!
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Corina Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Exactly my point. Thank you!
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HUGS!!!!! As for your confidence….you need to work on that….you have so many people backing you up…me for example…I think you are amaizing!!!!!
The teacher….hell no!!! Isnt not writing on yourself one of the first things we learn from our parents…so why the heck did she not learn that!? Poor Why Guy…love that kid!!!!
And the Blankie….oh yeah!!!! Gotta love blankies!!!!!
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WHAT THE …. I want that teacher’s name and number, how could she do that to my little wise guy. She does not know who she is dealing with.
next what is IE9??????
And you are very welcomed. I’m buying one for me next time I go to Costco. I think I’ll get the red one it goes with my eyes. Love from ME
You don’t need to sell yourself you work will do that for you!
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Girlfriend, you crack me up! While I understand a teacher getting frustrated with a 3 yr-old’s lack of an attention span, this teacher was completely wrong in writing on Wise Guy’s hand. WTF? Why the hell is this lady a preschool teacher? That’s the problem, there are way too many people in this profession who should not be. Another thing I do not understand is if he was momentarily not listening, why the hell does he have to have a sad face on his hand all damn day??? Take him outta there if you do not feel comfortable with their behavior policies. The preschool experience sets the foundation for a lifetime of schooling. It should be a positive one (for both of you).
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Given the chance I’m the lady in pjs too. Where did she get that blankie it sounds fab.
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I don’t think you are overreacting. In my opinion, that is labeling the child as “bad”, not the behavior.
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I’m truly offended by this teacher, you can let a child know what they did was wrong and/or disappointing but there needs to be the flip side like you said for the things that he does correctly.
As for the confidence, you are a step ahead of many – you are fully aware of the issue, now take and use the support of those around you and make the baby steps necessary to build the confidence within yourself to match or surpass the confidence that others have in you.
It’s all baby steps!
TJB´s last blog ..Why Blog?
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Though I don’t love the sad face on the hand – I do have some amount of empathy for teachers of children in this age group. I think you need to have a conference with the teacher – but only after you have regained calm about it, and can hear her point of view fully and so the two of you can come up with multiple acceptable options for behavior modification. Maybe she was having a terrible day. If this is the first indication of a problem deal with it directly and move on…if the school and the teacher can’t resolve the approach to your satisfaction certainly you need to look at your options for other pre-schools. I love Wise Guy, but I doubt he is scarred for life and he really needs this social environment. And despite the lack of providing work time for you it does allow you to have a few hours of one on one time with each of your children and I think that is HUGE! You all need that.
I know I often post as “odd man out” and seem to not always agree with you – but I honestly think you are doing a great job and love you very much.
Relax..take a deep breath…
on the photography issue – I think if you could find a job part time working with an established photographer it would build your confidence as that person would confirm your skills (which we all know you have!!) and get you connected with people so in a few years when Wise guy is in school you would be ready to launch an independent enterprise. By that time the economy may be in better shape and people might have more money for the luxury of professional photos. I think one thing you are battling is the market of such ease of use cameras and editing software that gives many people the option of getting the basic shots they want without spending the extra money. Even beyond people stills – the artsy shots are getting easier to accomplish with less knowledge. So your battle is multi-faceted with getting this up and running, in my opinion.
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You were a great advocate for your son in talking to the school. That teacher needs not to be in charge until she’s had more mentoring in social-emotional development. Or is given a tattoo on her arm that says “model patience, kindness and care.”
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A sad face?! I’ve never heard of such a thing. How about a note home if it’s such a big deal? No reason to degrade our children.
As for your business, you DO rock.
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