I AM

As moms (and dads), there are hours, days, weeks that we ignore ourselves, one day running into the next, the needs of little children taking precedent. These are good times and bad, time we give willingly to laugh, wipe tears, teach, support, struggle, lose patience, and love. It is exciting to watch the changes, the personalities go through metamorphosis. It is good work, raising children to be the best they can be.

It is also exhausting work.

There are days amidst the non-stop action, the energy, the chaos that I can’t remember if I looked at myself in the mirror that day, that I can’t remember when the last time any side of my personality besides “Mom” made an appearance. These are the days that I need, that my children need, to be reminded of who I am.

I AM.

I AM a Buddha.

I stay calm in times of crisis and chaos. I have an eerie way of keeping perspective in the craziest of times, putting one foot in front of the other with resolve and purpose.

I AM a nervous wreck.

I suffer from generalized anxiety. I worry, racing thoughts consuming my being. I shut down, unable to deal with the most inane things, like making a necessary phone call. Strange, that when things are at their worst, I am as calm as can be. It is the little things that trip me up.

I AM a teacher.

I thrive at it. I have a way of sharing what I know and putting into terms that you will understand. I can think on my feet, come up with examples, make you excited about learning.

I AM a student.

I am the perpetual student, I love to learn. I would go back and earn my PhD. if I could …. except I would have to earn it in about 4 different subjects.

I AM a lover.

I love that we all have differences. I am accepting of so many different people, different ideas, different philosophies. The world needs new ideas. I love my husband, my children, my family and friends. They keep me going.

I AM a fighter.

Don’t question it. If I see injustice, I don’t let it slide. I have conviction. I have fought major depression. I have fought through illness, through fear, through pain, through uncertainty, through abandonment. I have been up against the ropes, taking shots to the ribs. But now I stand center ring, raising my gloves at the clang of the bell.

I AM an artist.

I see the world through a lens. I see the light, the textures, the simplicity. I capture it, if only to remind myself of the beauty in all things.

I AM a scientist.

I observe. I study. I analyze. I make deductions. Science is both a passion and a way of life. I live it daily.

I AM a sage.

I have always been serious, responsible, intuitive, and insightful. It is a side-effect of being observant and being a first born.

I AM a jester.

I have no pride. I get down and get silly. I have fun. I don’t care what people think if they see me making crazy faces or skipping down the street with my kids. Joy lives in the silly.

I AM an oxymoron personified.

I am a literary device, contradictory in all that I am. I am broad and sweeping, understanding yet intolerant of intolerance, left brained and right brained, an intellect and a fool.

I know who I am. It never leaves my bones. I just need reminding sometimes.

I AM ME.