Living Life Out Loud
I feel like I am stuck in a rut. Like I live each day the same as the last, making the same small triumphs, the same mistakes. Like I don’t know when the last time I really got out of the house. Like I don’t know where my talents lie, what big thing I should do next, where it is all leading, how to take the next step.
I feel like I am much more dynamic than I appear. That the strange awkward facade that I wear is just that, masking the grand force within. Like I have these claws and I am thinking to myself I just don’t know what to do with these claws….. That there is a glimmer in my eye, conviction, yet lack of action. That I struggle and struggle and struggle to fight the forces in my head, sardonic and suppressing.
(Holy CRAP…. this blog post is sounding much more nihilistic than I even intend it to).
I crave to live life out loud. To take that step out the door, leaving all my hang-ups, insecurities, and cynicism on my stoop and run free. I need to actually see the little moments, experience the little joys, hold them, cherish them. I need to scream from the within ….. This is who I Am ……… This is what I can do……. This is what I think…… I need not carry the burdens I self-impose any longer. To be free. To not care what people think.
I need to live life out loud. To let it all go and write and speak and act as I am and for that to be ok. To not feel so blocked.
I have the chisel, I am just not quite sure how to wield it.
Corine, I could have written this post — and I know several women have felt the same. It is so hard to be the person we want to be “out there” in a rather constricted and narrow world, especially when we have ties that need to be tended, and roles that we need to be present for.
I have no great advice, at least none that you haven’t thought of yourself, but I know that the more I write about who I am and what I want to do, the more likely I am to do it.
Jane´s last blog ..I’ve been holding out. Here are 12 things I haven’t told you that I’m sure you really want to know.
[Reply]
Corina Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 1:25 am
Jane: Thank you so much. I know that I need to write, to pick myself up out of my chair and go live life. To stop procrastinating and putting things off any longer. It is true with the ties that need to be tended and roles……
[Reply]
WOW! This must be a post written for 90% of the women in the world! I feel like this everyday! I think the biggest task is to realize you feel this way…which you did…the next is to figure our how to improve it. You have already taken one big step by doing so….and that is your photography, and this great blog….just keep woring on what you love…the rest will come! You have plently of people who love the heck out of you and will give you a kick in the butt if you need it! I am here for you! You are onw woman who I look up to…who I want to learn from…you make me want to be better!!
[Reply]
It’s really hard to break out, when you have little ones to deal with. It gets easier as they get older and less dependent. Promise.
The Mother´s last blog ..
[Reply]
Corina Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
It is tough with the little ones. Some days, it literally drains the life out of me just THINKING of taking the kids out with me. The possibility for insanity is just to real to ignore. Not that they are not cooperative most of the time…. but some days……. well some days…..
[Reply]
i can so relate to this post. i feel like i’m trapped by choices i made and i’m struggling to make up for it.
xo
[Reply]
Corina Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
I get that. Completely. Hugs to you as well!
[Reply]
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by CorinaFiore: Living Life Out Loud. https://dtemama.com/a-life-poetic/living-life-out-loud I seriously need some real help on this one….
I don’t know of any parent, but particularly moms, and especially moms who spend most of their days at home, could say it better.
It’s hard to know how to use that chisel, but my new theory is to just use it.
[Reply]
Corina Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Thanks, Kelly. True. Just have to start hacking away, that is all there is to it.
[Reply]
It’s a tall order to expect yourself to leave all your insecurities behind…do we ever do that? Even when I step out and do something I didn’t think I could, my insecurities are there…I just do it anyway.
So maybe you can pick one thing each week. One thing you’re afraid of, but really want to do. Want to get out and meet new people? Find a group you want to be involved with, and then just go. Feel awkward, feel insecure, but go and most importantly realize that we all feel that way sometimes. Do what you want in spite of that feeling.
Hope this helped. I don’t agree that our choices these days are narrow…they are wide open. It’s more a matter of what do we have time for, and prioritizing. But I think that women have every opportunity to do anything they set their minds to do.
One thing. Start slow.
Kat´s last blog ..Enchantē
[Reply]
Corina Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Kat: Thank you so much. I often forget one thing at a time. I go for the gusto, then I am paralyzed to do anything. I need to make that my mantra…. one thing…. one thing…. one thing…..
The support means everything…..
[Reply]
I’ve been wanting to read this post all. day. Have you done the Mondo Beyondo e-course yet? I did the first one just before I went to Squam and it was just the thing I needed. Squam? It is a big investment of time and money, but honestly it was magic. We’re actually not that geographically far apart, are we? So like duh. Photo playdates. Zoo trip. ventoramas and maybe a ‘bux venti while we’re at it. Saying it out loud is where it starts.
Heather´s last blog ..
[Reply]
Corina Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Heather:
No I haven’t done the e-course. I should check that out, sounds like it helped you. I would LOVE some photo playdates. I admire your work and think that it would be fantastic!
[Reply]
You’ve started. Like others have said, that’s the most important step. Every purposeful action you take, give yourself credit for. It makes a difference in your thinking, which leads to improving how you feel. Sounds trite, but it’s true. I love that you reached out on Twitter. I find that the people I’m able to connect with there really do motivate me, just by seeing what they’re doing. We’re at home, but we’re not alone. Don’t forget that, Corina!
Mary@Everyday Baby Steps´s last blog ..Store Brand Infant Formulas Ruled To Be As Nutritious As Name Brand
[Reply]
Corina Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Mary: Thank you so much. It means so much to hear the support. There are days that my wiring is all messed up and seeing what others have accomplished intimidates me…. shuts me down. I need to stop that… to be inspired….. to rock it….. Thanks for the reminder. It means more than you will ever know.
[Reply]
There is a phrase ‘When you are holding a hammer, all of your problems look like nails.’ It is important to realize you have a full toolbelt to work with (well some of us might not be working with a full toolbelt, but I know you’ve got one). The first step is overcoming the fear and indecision that prevent you from wielding any of them.
I know that you have it in you – you’ve managed to inspire a shy slacker like me to become a confident and productive member of society. You affect more lives than you know in the moments you forget you are unsure of yourself. Forget the uncertainty for good and take the leaps you (should) know you are capable of. I’ve got your back.
SilentBen´s last blog ..Thanksgiving – Check!
[Reply]