My Middle Name is Danger

It has got to be.  I live with a ninja/monkey.

Last night, I took Sweetie to Tae Kwon Do.  45 minutes of having to wrangle Ninja Monkey and contain his energy so that he doesn’t destroy the place, lick the viewing window, or distract the students.  Not easy with Ninja Monkey.

So, I taught him to go out the “door” and come in by bowing and saying “Hello, Ma’am, Hello Sir.”   (This is how they enter the school).  I must say, it was freaking cute to see him do this, and he did it several times.

Then I had to stop him.


He got all Ninja on my ass.

He went out.  He bowed.  He said, “Hello ma’am.”  Then he began running towards me.

I opened my arms to hug him.

He jumped, lifted both feet in the air in front of him….. and kicked me square in the chest with both feet.

It was like the end of this scene in Elf.  I am Will Farrell, arms outstretched, Ninja Monkey is the vertically challenged executive.

I lay on the floor,  in front of everyone, and slowly let the remaining air out of my lungs  with a “haaaaaaaaaaaaaa….”.

He jumped up and began to do a victory spin.

Oh, he lived to regret it.

Furthermore, the kid  is a monkey.  He will use me every way to Sunday as a jungle gym.  He will climb onto the couch.  I will be standing next to it, vacuuming.  He will climb onto my arm and try to sit on my shoulders.

I will be sitting at my desk.  He will climb onto me, to get behind me on the chair.

He uses anything and everything as a mountain….. or tree if we are using the monkey analogy (because Ninja Edmund Hillary sounds too weird.  Alright, Ninja Monkey isn’t much better), begging be conquered.

Ninja Monkey is wearing me out.  But, at least I can say that he hasn’t started throwing poop….. yet.

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6 Responses to “My Middle Name is Danger”

  1. churchpunkmom 8 January 2009 at 2:27 pm #

    oh, the joys of boys. ;)


  2. Cynthia 8 January 2009 at 2:28 pm #

    Oh my goodness. While I’m really honestly feeling very sorry for you, I couldn’t help myself and burst out in a bunch of giggles at the visual.

    I really do hope you heal up soon!

    Cynthia’s last blog post..8/365


  3. Nikki Guide 9 January 2009 at 4:02 pm #

    Now that put a smile on my face!!! I feel your pain girl! Remember Ninja Monkeys best friend is my own flesh and blood! So I have been there! LOL


  4. Down to Earth Mama » Boys are Tough

    [...] He is a boy of constant motion, of constant action.  He is loving beyond words….. and then he kicks you right in the boobs to lay you flat on your back.  I know that wise guy understand rules and understand consequences [...]

  5. OHmommy 28 April 2010 at 5:41 pm #

    LOL…. boys! Mine, at 8, is nearly half my sized now. Im glad he doesn’t go all karate over me. I would be out of luck.
    OHmommy´s last blog ..Strawberry hemangiomas: a kiss from God. My ComLuv Profile


  6. [...]  As I walk in slow motion, things explode behind me, my hair blowing in the fake wind.  A ninja stands in the doorway and bows before running at me, full speed.  I fight off said ninja with cunning, matrix-like moves. I dodge [...]

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